Monday, March 5, 2012

40 days.....Day 1....."Who is your CEO?"

Thanks to Scarlett Lillian and her willingness and devotion to create "Prosper", I begin a 40 day prayer journey. This journey is not only for me, but it's also for my business, my clients, and most importantly my God. I have never been scared or ashamed of who I am and what I believe in. I am a proud believer in Jesus Christ and I love Him passionately and deeply. If you have ever come into contact with me before, I pray that my actions and my mouth have been a tool to bring you closer to God. I also pray that when I haven't done so, that you please forgive me, because Lord knows I am not perfect.

We are asked the question "Who is the CEO of your company?" and all I want to do is laugh and say, "I am a stay-at-home-mommy with a small little home office, not some big company. Why on earth would I need a CEO?" But then I realize that no matter the size of the business, someone is in charge. Someone is the leader. Someone makes all the decisions and guides the future. And since I am a single employed company...I guess that's me then right? The answer is yes, but not with out wisdom and understanding from God. He is the one who whispers encouragements to my soul that say, "Daughter, you are so gifted."

Many times in the past couple of months I have really thought about selling all of my equipment and ending my photography career. Our personal finances have been extremely tight and I knew I was sitting on something that could help solve some debt issues. So, I looked into how much money everything I owned would be worth and after seeing the dollar signs, I seriously contemplated getting rid of it all. Then late one night, I sat at my computer and looked at pictures of my own 5-year-old daughter. The pictures were the recent ones I took of her dancing in the field in my back yard during the beautiful yummy sunset that was blogged with the movie Courageous. I began to cry. Sometimes I get so caught up in the emailing, Facebook messaging, blogging, editing, and shooting that I forget that what I do is a talent and a gift given to me by God. And just like a composer writes a beautiful symphony, I too have been trained in an art. What I do is breathtaking! I couldn't imagine not being able to capture moments like these for myself, let alone for others. If I sold my equipment, I wouldn't even be able to hold on to special moments like this one even for myself.

2 Corinthians 4:7 says, "We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us." I read this and thought, I have a treasure from God and yes I am a clay jar just holding it inside. Could I possibly not share that treasure since He is the one who gave this very gift to me? The whole reason I originally got into photography was simply because my husband bought me a camera to take pictures of my own children. I had no hidden agenda or plan to ever own a company in it. I believe that God showed me that this is something I could do that would bring glory to Him. I believe that He opened doors and made things happen for me that I would never have been able to do on my own.

My prayer today is that I continue to allow Him to guide me and show me the next step. I am lost right now. I struggle with the next step. I have always said that this was a temporary thing because I am working on my educational degree. I work alongside my husband as a youth and children's pastor and campus minister. I absolutely love working with students. However, balancing 6 children, a full time photography business, my education, and ministry can be exhausting at times. Especially because I am a perfectionist and want to succeed 150% in everything I do. My prayer is that God truly is the leader of my business. I say that He is, but do I really allow Him to be? I need Him to show me His path. I need Him to make it so boldly clear that it knocks me over like a hurricane, because I am stubborn and distracted and I don't listen well.

If you are reading this, thank you. My prayer for you is that you will love me through this time. That you will pray for me too. God is more powerful and more amazing than we could possibly ever know. Ruth 1:16 states "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." Lord I will go where ever you want me to go. I will stay where ever you want me to stay. I will serve where ever you need me to serve. You are my God.

in His Love,

Me and Brooklyn


Lauren @ten23designs said...

This is a wonderful post and I am looking forward to joining you on your 40 days... learning and enjoying with you.

Kandis said...

This was a wonderful blog and dedication to god. You have inspired our family and blessed us in so many ways. Because of u I know that there are still good people out there that love with open ARMs without conditions and have hearts of gold. I too am stubborn and don't listen well, Haha. I pray for u and ur family daily and will continue too.

J. Halstead said...

Thank you both for your comments and your support! I have so much room to grow and learn, especially in this industry. But knowing I have people like you both who are praying and supporting me along the way makes it worth it. I know it will be an awesome journey!

Vfuller Photography said...
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