Tuesday, March 13, 2012

40 Days....Day 5....The Fame Game

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

A weakness is defined as the state or condition for lacking strength.

So here are my weaknesses unleashed….

I lack the strength to resist chocolate or an ice cold Mountain Dew. I think both will run through my veins for life.

Folding and putting the laundry away…it seems so simple, but with a family my size…you would think it cripples me to fold it and put it all away. I pray for the day when my ALL of my kids will put their own laundry away.

I have the hardest time telling my 5 year old daughter “No!” when she asks me to dance with her to praise music even though she knows that it’s way past her bed time.

My heart hurts when people stare or point at my oldest son’s birthmark instead of asking what it is. People’s ignorance and lack of self-control cease to amaze me and it makes me want to punch them in their teeth.

I struggle with giving God control over my business finances. I trust Him with our personal finances, but when it comes to the photography company, I don’t seek God’s wisdom and guidance as much as I should. I should seek His will before fully committing to a large purchase or pray about a new path.

I don’t set aside time daily to get into God’s Word. There’s no excuse that is great enough to defend why I don’t. Even before I had kids, I wasn’t good at this. I allow the busyness of my world overtake me and I need to learn how to disconnect and reconnect to God’s Word.

I haven’t had a relationship with my mother in over 10 years. There are many days that go by that I don’t even think twice about this absence in my life. However, there are days that I wish I could curl up in her lap, just like I did when I was a child, and hear her voice again or play with her long frail blonde hair.

Recently I learned about some personal medical issues. I went to the ER about a week or so ago and was told that I have to have a hysterectomy. I am only 31 years old; however, the children I have given birth to have taken a toll on my body. I am buying some time by trying some other medical options instead of having surgery, but right now I have to really rely on God to know what to do. I think the hardest thing I am dealing with is the idea that I may never be able to have more children. I can hear you now…”WHAT? You have six kids? Isn’t that enough?” I am content with all of the children God has given me, but the idea not being able to be pregnant again or to give birth one more time makes my heart ache.

I have major trust issues. I can be your best friend in the whole wide world. I would give you the shirt off my back and allow you to come live in my home for as long as you needed. However, I am guarded and protected. I am afraid to let you in because I have been hurt deeply, several times, by the people who are supposed to love me the most…my mom, my dad, my husband, past relationships, friends, and so instead of letting you in....I choose to keep you close enough to love you, but far enough away that I don’t get hurt again.

But remember scripture says, “My grace is sufficient enough” and that “His power is made perfect in our weaknesses” for when I am weak…I am really truly strong.

1 comment:

Lakesha West said...

This was amazing to me. I was able to read and relate to you with my own weakness. You are so wonderful Jamie. Thank you for sharing this....Kesha